There is perhaps no part of life where emotions matter more than our relationships. Love, hurt, joy, disappointment, longing, relief — the people closest to us can move us more powerfully than almost anything else. Much of what makes a relationship feel good, and much of what makes it feel painful, comes down to what happens inside us emotionally.
And yet most of us were never really taught how our emotions work. We experience them constantly, but rarely stop to examine them. Understanding that experience is where everything else begins — before we can work with our emotions, or understand what they mean for our relationships, we need to understand what they actually are and why we have them.
That is where we will start. What are emotions actually for?
Every one of us experiences emotions. Some are joyful. Others are painful. Some pass almost unnoticed, while others stay with us for days, months, or even years. We experience love, happiness, sadness, fear, anger, disappointment, relief, guilt, hope, loneliness and countless other emotional experiences throughout our lives.
Emotions are such an ordinary part of being human that we rarely stop to think about them. We simply experience them as part of everyday life.
Yet emotions give life much of its colour and meaning. They shape our relationships, our decisions, our memories, our conversations, and the way we experience the world around us. They are what make moments of love, joy and connection feel so precious, but also what make rejection, grief and loss feel so painful.
This is because emotions do far more than create feelings. They help us recognise what is personally important. They tell us when something seems good for us or bad for us, when a need may be met or unmet, and when something deserves our attention or response.
They do this because our brains are constantly making sense of the world around us. Every moment, without us consciously trying, they are interpreting what is happening and what it may mean for us. Emotion is how we become consciously aware of that significance.
Different emotions help us recognise different kinds of significance. Fear alerts us to possible danger. Sadness helps us recognise loss. Anger signals that something important may have been threatened or treated unfairly. Joy accompanies experiences that enrich our lives or strengthen our connection with others.
Emotions do far more than create feelings. They help us navigate the world by helping us recognise what matters to us.
That understanding comes from somewhere: a process of making sense of what’s happening, most of which occurs before we’re even aware of it. The next article looks at exactly how that happens.
